Oh boy… sometimes you come across a film or TV special that you look at and wonder, “Why?” Recently, I saw one of those kinds of specials… and it just so happens to come from one of the most iconic franchises of all-time. Yes, folks, today I’m reviewing the most infamous thing that ever came out of the Star Wars franchise. No, not the Star Wars prequels. No, not Star Wars Kinect. And no, not even Jar Jar Binks. I’m referring to the infamous ‘thing’ that is The Star Wars Holiday Special. In 1978, just one year after the release of A New Hope, someone decided that it’d be a good idea to make a Star Wars TV special starring most of the original cast from the film; Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, etc. It aired only once on November 17th, 1978 on CBS. Since then, it has never been re-aired and it’s never seen a home video release. George Lucas himself, who had little to do with the actual special, has since distanced himself from it. He’s even stated that “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it” Sadly, for good ol’ George, the internet has made this easier said than done. While the special has never seen an official release on home video, there have been numerous bootleg releases of it over the years and it’s now easily seen on video sites like YouTube. That is how I ended up seeing it in order to do a commentary for it that I recorded with my good pal and Sabers, Phasers, and Lasers, Oh My! co-host Alex Corey… and, well, for those who haven’t seen it, believe me when I say that it’s truly as bad as its reputation suggests.
The main plot of the special is that Han and Chewbacca are traveling to Chewbacca’s home planet of Kashyyyk (which would make its official series debut decades later in Episode III) so that Chewbacca is back in time to celebrate the Wookiee holiday known as ‘Life Day’, hence why this is called the Holiday Special and not the Christmas Special. Unfortunately, for them, stock footage of Star Destroyers and TIE Fighters from A New Hope are currently keeping them busy. Thus, most of the special ends up being about Chewbacca’s family, namely his wife Malla, their son Lumpy, and his father Itchy, as they impatiently wait for him to return. To pass the time, they end up watching all sorts of random skits and, basically, music videos. This includes Harvey Korman in drag as a four-armed cook, Harvey Korman as a malfunctioning robot that grabs his ass and sticks a finger up his nose (I wish I was kidding about that) as he tries to teach us how to build a translator device, Bea Arthur and hole-headed Harvey Korman (I WISH I was kidding about that one…) in a cantina on Tatooine that’s about to close for the night due to an Empire-initiated curfew, a music video featuring the band Jefferson Starship performing in a purple void, a circus troupe performance, an animated adventure starring Luke and company that was created by Nelvana Ltd., the same force behind the Droids and Ewoks cartoons from the 80’s, and a weird virtual fantasy sequence that’s, well, basically Wookie porn (Again, I wish I was kidding…)
This special is… unreal. For 90 minutes, we spend almost all that time in Chewbacca’s home watching his family just go through their daily routines. And, oh yeah, I forgot to mention… there are no frigging subtitles for a special in which the main characters are Wookiees, so you’ll never know what they’re supposed to be saying. And they really are the main characters of the special. Despite having the main characters of the franchise in it which, you know, is the reason why fans would probably watch this in the first place, Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, R2-D2, and C-3PO are barely in it. Both Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher appear in one brief scene each up until the finale and while Harrison Ford has a larger role compared to them… you can tell through his performance that he clearly doesn’t give a crap about any of this. Maybe this is the reason why he wanted Han to be killed off in Empire Strikes Back, something that didn’t happen for real until The Force Awakens. The guest stars of the special, including Bea Arthur, Harvey Korman, and Art Carney, have more screentime than most of the main characters, and even then, none of them make any of this better. Harvey Korman gets the worst break of them all as the legendary comedian is stuck doing extremely embarrassing bit parts, all of which I listed earlier in the plot synopsis.
The whole special in general is incredibly boring. The so-called main plot of the special is bare-bones, to say the least, and most of the skits that occur throughout have literally nothing to do with anything with the A-Plot. They’re literally just there to pad out the runtime. Now, from what I’ve heard, the reason why this special is mostly just skits is because it was developed by filmmakers with backgrounds in variety TV. Still, there’s no denying that these skits were their way of trying to make up for the special’s general lack of narrative. And, as you probably guessed, most of these segments are quite terrible. The ‘circus acrobats’ sequence is weird and nonsensical. A lot of you on the internet, even if you haven’t seen this, are probably familiar with the infamous cooking scene in which Harvey Korman overacts like crazy when he starts to ‘Stir, Whip, Stir, Whip, Whip, Whip, Stir! WAH!’ That virtual reality sequence, featuring singer Diahann Carroll, is even weirder and just goes on for eternity. Seriously, I’m not kidding, it’s basically porn! A lot of people have said that the animated sequence is the ‘best’ part of the special and while I guess I agree with that, it’s still nothing special. Oh yeah, and this was the first time we were introduced to the character of Boba Fett. What a random place to debut one of the most popular characters in franchise history. The sequence where Harvey Korman plays a malfunctioning robot in an ‘instructional video’ is also very drawn-out but, boy, does it deliver some truly insane moments courtesy of the many ways in which the robot malfunctions. As I alluded to earlier, there’s literally a moment where, during one of his malfunctions, he grabs his buttocks. And the way in which the sequence ends consists of him sticking a finger up his nose to move out of frame. Yes… that happens in this special. Finally, there’s the sequence with Bea Arthur singing a song with Tatooine locals. I’ll just be frank… I zoned out by this point. Finish it all off with a disastrous musical number performed by a ‘clearly out of it’ Carrie Fisher and you have The Star Wars Holiday Special.
Well, I can now say that I’ve seen The Star Wars Holiday Special… and I can also safely say that I will never watch it again. As I’ve noted in the past, I’m one of those rare Star Wars fans that do like the prequel films. I recognize their flaws but I also feel that they’re seriously not as bad as a lot of the internet puts them out to be on a regular basis. This… makes those films look like total masterpieces by comparison. For those who haven’t seen it, this TV special is seriously just as bad as everyone has said. It’s completely nonsensical from beginning to end, with minimal plot and drawn-out sketches that are completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. It has the main actors of the franchise but severely underutilizes them in favor of a cast of characters we don’t give a crap about and, at the same time, can’t understand at all because they’re a bunch of Wookiees and we aren’t given any subtitles. Though, to be fair, it seems like most of the main actors didn’t give a crap about this either, especially Harrison Ford… and who can blame him? It’s easy to see why George Lucas completely regrets this as it is easily the worst thing that has ever come out of the Star Wars franchise. Simply put, it’s one of the biggest misfires in the history of television.
Rating: 0.5/5
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